Who would've Thought
by darkprincess1390
Summary: Who ever thought you could get high off tic-tacs,i didnt.But now howarts students will find out for themselves...
1. The Announcement

A/N-this is my first fanfic and I hope it is good okay, and ya better b satisfied or my chinese fighting fish will eat u. And flames are accepted, I enjoy seeing people get mad(  
  
Chapter 1 -The announcement  
  
"Attention,Attention",Albus Dumbledores voice rang through the great hall."Wonder what the old man wants from our lives now",said a familiar voice from the Slytherin table.  
  
Dumbledore continued as if he hadnt heard that comment,"I have an announcement to make.I know that some of you like muggle candy."as he said this he looked at the Weasly twins.Their new "invention" was now to bewitching muggle candy as a way to "improve" it. For example,there were marshmellows that made you paper white and you couldn't move for an hour. "So I and some of the staff." Dumbledore quickly glaced at Snape who wasn't looking his usual "happy" self, "have decided to set up a muggle candy stand in the enterance hall." Dumbledoor waited for the yells to stop to continue speaking.  
  
"Now the password to get passed the force field is 'its gettin hot in herre, so take off all your clothes', and this must be sung." dumbledore had to pause to allow the great hall to echo with laughter. "Yo homie, that's whack,yo",Harry yelled out.There was more laughter after this and half the slytherins were on the floor crying.  
  
"Seriously,Professor Dumbledore,I don't think this song is approiate and maybe you should pick."Hermione started off."Shut the hell up,you know- it-all mudblood asshole",Ron murmered as he was already rather sick of her.Her eyes welled up with tears and she ran away crying.Ron looked for Harry but he was to busy trying to buy beer off or Fred and George.  
  
"As to answer Ms. Granger,I am damn well aware of the song and I like it very much thank you.Now back to what I was saying before,oh yes,these words must be sung.If you do not know the beat of the song there is a huge music note in the enterance hall.To listen you pick up a pair of headphones,press the half-note on it, and it will play the song,just like magic.The enterance to the candy store is behind a huge stone gargoyle.You go up to the gargole,sing the song,and voila,candy.  
  
Immediately the Great Hall was buzzing,everyone was talking about the muggle candy they would buy .Fred and George were discussing how many people they could hurt with the new candy.Suddenly some suck up Ravenclaw piped up and said,"What?So all the candys' free?There must be a price."  
  
"Well of course there is"Dumbledore said as several students gawked at him,espically Ron, "the price is actually quite simple.All you must so is take the candy you want,and walk away,but you cant get through until you say something nice about the opposing house.Right now they are Gryffindor v. Slytherin and Ravenclaw v. Hufflepuff.Hahaha,I'm so evil ." *does evil jig* Dumbledore was very happy with himself and made a point of laughing extra loud when Malfoy fainted.  
  
"Okay students I think that's all,get to bed",he fished clapping his hands together,which in secret Dumbledore language means 'get your asses in bed before I hang you by your toes from the North Tower.'  
  
"What is that crazy old man trying to do to us,"Ron said as soon as they were out of earshot."  
  
"Ron!You should not be calling Professor Dumbledor that,hes amazing and.",Hermione had chosen this time to come back from crying.  
  
"Shove it.You really need a psycharist for your little problem,remember it,Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry Potter,meanwhile was still waiting in the Great Hall until everyone left.When he thought every one was gone , he took out a fish and started slapping himself with it.Let me tell you it was very funny.What would you think if you walked into a room and say a 15 year old boy slapping himself with a fish?Wait never mind I don't want to know.  
  
What Harry Potter did not realize,however,was that someone was watching him.Suddenly a person with red hair emerged from the shadows.  
  
"Ssssss."the voice said.  
  
Harry is to busy slapping himself with his fish to notice.The person comes closer and you can see a jar in her hand.All of a sudden they come up and say,"hello harry."  
  
"Ginny what are you doing here",asked harry who is still a little dazed after the fish slapping incident, "and what are you doing with tha.oh no.anything but that."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"No.not..PEANUT BUTTER!"  
  
"Yes,peanut butter.And ill get it away if you promise to go out with me."  
  
"I wont go out with a little goody two shoes hermione-wanna-be loser freak who blushes too much.Got it?OK-ay!"  
  
"Fine Harry,I didn't want it to come to this but."she said as she dumped peanut butter all over him.  
  
"AAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE",harry screamed,"Why in the name of John Jacob JingleHeimer Smith did you do that?!?!  
  
Ginny shrugged and walked away lookingg satisfied while Harry sat on the floor screaming in a puddle of peanut butter. 


	2. The Socking

A/N okay at the time of this writing I have a total of dun dun dun, 1 review. Thank you very much LoserGirl, Ur good peoples. I am very hurt and expected better of all of you *runs away crying *  
  
Disclaimer I own nothing Isn't it sad? And all everyone says is That's just to bad Get over it ash You don't own the earth All you really own Is your two cents worth  
  
Chapter 2-The Socking  
  
If you had walked in the Great Hall that morning for breakfast, what you would have seen is Harry Potter, yes The Harry Potter, sitting in a puddle of peanut butter crying his eyes out. He was sitting with his knees up to his chin, rocking back and forth. Between the sobs you could hear him saying, "Wheres my chicken wings?"  
  
Now can you guess who was the first person in the Great Hall for breakfast that morning? "Oooo, look, if it isn't Potter lying in a puddle of peanut butter. What a surprise."Malfoy starts laughing and soon everyone follows. Before you know it there is a fish flying through the air.  
  
"What the hell did you do that for Potter?!" "No idea I think the peanut butter did that." "Yeah.and the Mudblood is going to have Snapes baby."  
  
At this moment Hermione comes running into the Great Hall looking flustered and says, "Everyone! Guess what? I'm pregnant!!!!" "Oh well now I've seen everything. Now instead of making a long and difficult plan, Voldermort can just come in a take over right now."drawled Malfoy  
  
Now a bathtub appeared in the middle of the Great hall with a curtain around it and some one singing. "I'm not that innocent!."-he pulls back the shower curtain- "ummm, I'm gonna have to try to take over some other time", said voldermort , "as you can see im kind of busy."  
  
"Okay you know what, I give up!"stated Malfoy skulking out of the Great Hall. It took all the very mentally challenged Hogwarts students a little while to register what had happened. So far that morning, Harry sits in a puddle of peanut butter, Hermione is pregnant with Snapes' child, Voldermort sings Britney Spears in the shower, and Draco Malfoy actually gives up on teasing Harry and his friends. This was going to be a very strange day.  
  
It took Ron a while to persuade Harry to get up out of the peanut butter but he managed to do it. So the trio sat down and ate their breakfast like harry didn't have peanut butter all over him, and like hermione wasn't pregnant.  
  
"Ooooo I have a pretty hat,"said Harry picking up his plate full of food and putting it on his head.  
  
"And I hang out with you why..??", said Ron uncertainly  
  
"Because I'm extremely talented and good looking?", Harry guessed.  
  
"Ummm, let me think about that.NO!", said Ron very sure of himself now.  
  
"Please stop the fighting! Your being a bad influence on my baby!", said Hermione rubbing her stomach."  
  
"Ohhh, poor little baby Snape", said Ron turning red.  
  
Hemione screamed and ran out of the Hall.Ron was looking extremely red and left also. Harry just sat there touching his hat and saying, "Pretty pretty hat."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry the strange was walking down the hallway touching his hat again when he heard a voice ring out,"I like socks, I like socks, so now I shall throw them." Let me tell you Harry Potter was very scared. But being the dimwit he is, just kept on walking, whistling, and touching his "hat". Suddenly there was a gust of wind that knocked him of his feet, but fortunately he managed to save his hat.  
  
All of a sudden thousands of socks were being thrown at him. Harry used his idiocy to duck away from them. When he thought that no more socks would be thrown and that his hat was safe, Harry relaxed. But just by chance, one more pair of socks were thrown that knocked off Harrys hat."Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!My hat, my beautiful hat! It was sooo young!!Now I don't know how I will live."Harry cried.  
  
"Harry Potter needs to shut up."  
  
Harry looked up from his sobbing and stared at what ever said that. "No, not you. You wouldn't do this to me. How could you.?  
  
A/n-yes I know there are no tictacs but ill include them soon 


	3. the Date and The Letter

A/N -Omg I got like 8 reviews I'm so happy. I would like to thank my reviewers, Lindsay Paddington, Silver Wolf, fisharecool03, and fang-gurlie. That u all so much and you all get to share the peanut butter I have left over, don't you feel special? Ready to start the story? Okay.AND THANK YOU KATIE! FOR WHAT YOU SAY IS "YOURS"(ya rite) Disclaimer: I own shit  
  
Harry looked up from his sobbing and stared at what ever said that. "No, not you. You wouldn't do this to me. How could you Dobby?" Dooby shrugged and said,"Dobby dunno, felt like it Dobby guesses."  
  
"Buut Buut my hat."  
  
"Oh shut up Harry Potter.Dobby shall repair Harry Potters' hat if Harry Potter does something for Dobby instead."  
  
"Fine anything to get my hat back."  
  
"Okay, Dobbys sir wants a date with Harry Potters friend Ron Weasly."  
  
"No I shall never sell out my best friend NO!"  
  
"For a hattttttt"  
  
"Okay fine,"said Harry grinning stupidly as he took a hat from Dobby.  
  
"Yay I get a date. Omigosh, what am I going to wear." Said Dobby skipping away merrily,"Maybe I could wear my pink halter top with my cute little black skirt."  
  
"Weehee I got my hat I'm so happy,"Harry skipped away happily, picked up a pile of socks, and shoved them into his mouth,"and socks taste verry good!!!!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"YOU WHAT!?!?"said Ron at breakfast that morning spitting out his food.  
  
"Oh, I just told Dobby you would go out with him in exchange for my new hat, Isn't it pretty??"said Harry repeatedly touching his hat.  
  
"Harry you gay bastard! I refuse to go out with a frigging house elf, she was bad enough!", said Ron pointing to Hermione.Unfortunatly,Hermione was to busy trying to seduce Professor Flitwick who looked mortified.  
  
"Well Ron,"said Harry piling socks on to his plate and smothering them with butter, "it was for my hat, surely you can understand."  
  
Ron was too angry to speak, you could actually see the steam coming out of his ears.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Harry are you sure we should be doing this?"  
  
"Of course Mudblood."  
  
"Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry.Ron called me a name again,"said Hermione, her eyes filling up with tears.  
  
"Shut up the both of you,"Harry half-shouted. "If I'm going to go through with it, I need complete silence."  
  
"Well maybe I could shut up,"Ron started,"If someone wasn't nibbling on my friggin shoe!!!"  
  
"Well I can't help it,"said Hermione with her mouth full, "I had a craving for leather."  
  
"I can't believe yous dared me to do this."  
  
All of a sudden Hermione and Ron broke out in laughter. Harry was sure the sound would carry."Come on guys its not that funny."  
  
"Oh yes it is,"said Ron choking on a laugh, "You actually have to tell Snape you love him."  
  
Immediately, Harry, acting like a three year old, crossed his arms and stated pouting."I don't wanna do it,"he started sobbing, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
  
"Oh shut up you big baby,"said Hermione kicking Harry very hard in his ribs,"It ain't gonna work this time."  
  
"Come on Hermione, Ill give you a dollar."  
  
"No im sorry, I'm not for sale right now. Come back tonight."  
  
"Okay."said Ron looking very disturbed, "Am I the only sane one here?"  
  
"Fine, I'll do it, even though I really don't want to and the peanut butter eats pickles and I die because the shoes eat me until the sky turns purple, and the the evil elves from munchkin land come to tell me that ive been chosen as the heir of their throne and that they need to to eat all the evil lightsabers. The End"said Harry in one breath.  
  
"Okayyyyyyyy, did anyone else understand that?"asked Ron doubtfully. He turned to Hermione for guidance but she was to busy trying to humph the wall. "I told her about that."Ron turned back to Harry to see him turning blue. It seems as if in all his blabbering he had forgotten to breathe. So Ron jumped on top of him screaming 'breathe you moron breath' until he was resuscitated.  
  
"Okay,"said Harry looking very dazed, "Now that I have returned from my visit to Munchkin land and have finished my day.I shall carry out the dare. Just one thing, Ron you must carry my hat."  
  
"Oh whatever you freaking retard.", said Ron taking the hat and rolling his eyes.  
  
Harry, gathering all the courage and stupidity he had, walked up to Snapes door and knocked."Professor Snape I-I-I.."  
  
A/N-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I am so evil.again, thanks to every one who reviewed and if you didn't you better before I get my fish to eat you. IM going for 12 reviews before I update. C'mon make me happy. 


	4. Tictacs finally

A/n-Okay at the momment I don't have a clue how many reviews I have but if I do I would like to say thanks it means so much to me. The reason I havent updated for a week and then some is because I was busy starting my other fic, Sorry! If you're feeling nice checkk it out. Oh, and only for the NICE reviewers, I have peanut butter, do still feel special?  
  
Disclaimer-I own nothing in this fic, if I did it wouldn't be this shit *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Harry, gathering all the courage and stupidity he had, walked up to Snapes door and knocked."Professor Snape I-I-I.."  
  
"Yes Potter, I do not have time for this nonsense, Teletubbies is starting."  
  
"Well you see I..I"  
  
"Spit it out Potter."  
  
"Okay,"Harry said as he spit a big wad of saliva into his potions teaches face.  
  
"NOT LIKE THAT IDIOT BOY!!"Snape screamed."Say what you want to say and be on your way."(A/N-OOOOOO that rhymed.)  
  
"Okay Professor Snape, I.I..Iloveyou,"harry mumbled hoping Snape hadn't heard him.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I..Love you?"  
  
Suddenly Snapes eyes filled with something other that anger, was that happiness? "O Harry!"Snape proclaimed sweeping harry into a ginormous (A/N-I made that word up() hug, "Im so glad we both feel the same way."  
  
Harry, on the other hand, was not very happy. He was being hugged by the very person he had despised for years. He was in some sort of trance. Some how, in some scary cartoon character way he slammed out of it.  
  
"What the HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"Harry screamed as though he was dying.  
  
"Harry, I've been in love with you ever since you set foot in my classroom."  
  
"AAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE", yelped Harry running away past Hermione and Ron who were laughing so hard their intestines were about to fall out. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*  
  
Next morning while walking down to the Great hall, Harry started saying, "Are any of you aware that the main focus of this story was getting high on tic-tacs?" "Yeah", said Ron sniffing his socks, "But that's okay, how about we go there now "  
  
"Okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
So with a poof! They ended up in the entrance hall. This big ugly, scary, mean, mangled, defected, evil, satanic, smelly, bucktoothed.gargoyle that had no teeth, grinned and said "Password please"  
  
Hermione, who just seemed to appear out of nowhere, started singing, "Its getting hot in herre, so take off all your clothes."  
  
The gargoyle suddenly let out an earsplitting scream "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, what the f*ck was that!?It sounded like a f*cking constipated hippo!!!!!!Hey, why can't I say f*ck."  
  
(AUTHORS VOICE THAT CAN BE HEARD-BECAUSE WERE TRYING TO KEEP THIS PG-13 THAT'S WHY!)  
  
"Oh, okay, now I really don't know if that should count because if sounded like a constipated hippo but ill let you in if."  
  
"We buy you a meat hat?"  
  
"Scuce me mr.gargolye,"said Ron taking a book and hitting harry over the head with it. "But my friend is very retarted, so just let him be."  
  
"Okay go on in, But first you must do the funky chicken,"said the gargoyle trying not to grin.  
  
"Okayyyyyy."replied harry and Ron looking unsure. They started waving their arms around in different directions and im mumbled voices saying,"I..umm don't wanna be no chick, or no f*ckin duck...um,all I wanna do,CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK!!"  
  
"That seems to be the best I am going to get,"sighed the gargoyle. "You may pass."  
  
"YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"  
  
Ron look at Harry very strangely. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* So they went past the gargoyle, (I don't remember what they go through now so bear with Me.) and walked for a but until they came into a dimly lit room. They looked at the walls and there was candy galore!!There were Snickers, skittles, altoids, m&ms, hersheys, Mike&ikes, Crunch bars, caramel, gummy bears, popcorn, cheese doodles, CHEESE, etc. etc., until.  
  
"Ron, what are these?"said harry holding a small retangular,clear box in the palm of his hand.  
  
"Well harry, maybe if you weren't so dumb you could read what it said on the box. Seethe little letters on it, you put them together, and they make IwordsI,"said Ron trying to explain to his slow friends.  
  
"Oh, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.I get it now, they say ti.tia.tic.. tic-cat?? Oh, no, im sorry, its tic-tac. Do u wanna try some?"  
  
"Okay I guess, they sound kind of boring though."  
  
They went to leave the room, but found their path was blocked.  
  
A/N-Okay IM evil again, and finally the tictacs make an appearance. 


	5. The gargoyle &findingaka I eat beans on ...

A/N-Ok it has been like forever since I last updated. But that's ok cuz I got like no reviews for that chapter anyway. That's ok though. WHAT THE HELL IS A BETA READER.I am utterly clueless. Some one explain. ::sniffle:: OK anyhow, lets get on with the story, But I am very mean so I will make you wait longer. Im afraid this chapter might not be as funny. Perhaps I am losing my touch. Nahhhh im me of course. I NO SOME PEOPLE JUST SKIP OVER THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER SO LISTEN UP .ok now that I have your attention, REVIEW. Oh, and free peanut butter to my reviewers. Ill also try to make my chapters longer but it will be hard since my brain is the size of a peanut. Disclaimer-I own nothing in the fic, if I did it wouldn't be this shit. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As I told you in the last chapter, something was blocking Harry and Ron's path. As this story makes no sense, blocking their path was a monkey. Yes a monkey. It was swinging a lantern and smoking a pipe with floo powder in it. The monkey was wearing a captain's hat and tattered clothes, and walked with a limp.  
  
The monkey answered in a gruff voice, "Now, you must say hmmmm,"the monkey started counting all the candy they had, "79 nice things about slytherins or else you will be sent to the Dungeon of Trauma."  
  
"And what, exactly, is the Dungeon of Trama,"inquired Ron.  
  
"The Dungeon of Trauma, is a Dungeon, where horrible things will happen. You will be fored to listen to Britney Spears, look at posters of Avril Lavigne, and sit through a boring Science class taught by Eschenauer-the- man-killer/pharoh (one of my teachers who bores us to death). Doesn't that sound like fun.", smiled the monkey evilly.  
  
"Umm, Ill go for the alternative, which is to say nice things about the Slytherins right?,"Monkey nods "Yes of course ok let me start, umm Slytherins uhhh don't smell that bad?"  
  
Harry chose to input here, "Slytherins make better meat hats than me."  
  
Ron also chose this point to input his book into Harrys head.  
  
The monkey gruffly answered, "that counts, I don't know why. This floo powder is having a strange effect on me. Keep on going because I cannot stand to look at your faces any longer."  
  
"ok," on started, "Slytherins have cooler colors?."  
  
[Harry]"Slytherins scream less like girls then they used to."  
  
And on and on and on and on. Im just to lazy to think up comments so you are going to have to make them up yourself. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Walking out of the room and past the monkey: "Y' no Ron," said Harry with a mouth fun of sour skittles (A/n-I put them in for you fang-gurlie!), "That wasn't so bad.  
  
"Y' no Harry, your right for once-"  
  
"FOR ONCE!"  
  
"Oh, yes, you're right for the first time in your life."  
  
"Now that's more like it," said Harry grinning with a skittle smile.  
  
"Now as I was saying, before a really big retard interrupted me, It wasn't that bad, the only bad thing was that I had to endure your presence."  
  
"You are aware I understood none of that."  
  
"Yes, yes I am."  
  
At this point, they were walking past the gargoyle and he said looking upset, "Oh, so you made it out alive. I'm so disappointed, I wanted to see someone die. Something to take the misery out of my life, sigh, I wish-"  
  
"Mr. Gargoyle," said Harry extending his hand, "I shall be thy friend!"  
  
"Oh REALLY," Exclaimed evilness, "I've never had a friend before! For some reason they all run away from me," He took out a dandelion-printed handkerchief. "Ohhhh were gonna have so much fuuun,"said the gargoyle sweeping Harry into a hug. "We can stay up and have sleep-overs and paint each other's nails!!Like OMG totally.!!  
  
"Well Ok, AS LONG AS I GET A MEAT HAT."  
  
"Oohhhh,"said the gargoyle releasing Harry, "that's ok I didn't need a friend that bad." "But-I WANT MY MEAT HAT!!!!!!!!!"said harry crying.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH", the gargoyle runs away.  
  
"Looks like were back together Ron, said Harry throwing his arm over Ron.  
  
What Harry did not realize was that Ron had passed out 5 minutes ago. Harry did not realize that, there was an arrow in Ron's neck. Standing a few feet behind them was Legolas poised with a bow in hand.  
  
"HARK, who goes there!"he shouted.  
  
"Like, dude,"started Harry, "DUDE, you're in the wrong movie man."  
  
"Oh, really,"said Legolas looking around, "Ok then and, sorry about your friend"  
  
"DUDE, its okay." *~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"M'hmm Ron?"  
  
"Why is there an arrow in my neck?  
  
"Oh.ok,so this dude legolas showed up," Here Harry swallowed his crunch bar. "And he like, shot u, so I was like, 'Dude why'd you shoot my friend', and he was like all,'dude who goes there.'So I was like all, 'dude you're not supposed to be here', and he was like 'Ok dude and sorry about that dude over there', and I was like 'dude, its okay'. And then the dude legolas went POP!."  
  
"That clears everything up", said Ron with a nod of understanding. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
5 hours later there were candy bars allllllllllllll over the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"Ron, we finished all the canday,"Harry finished with a burp.  
  
"You are SO smart Harry,"  
  
"I know."  
  
Ron muttered something under his breath thought sounded a little like'moronic imbecile'. Then he threw a piece of tin foil at Harrys head.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Ron You knocked off my hat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" exclaimed Harry repeatedly touching his head.  
  
"You not wearing a hat you damn hobo!!!"  
  
"Oh, that would explain a lot-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!My hat is gone!!!!!!", Harry immedialty jumped up but Ron said to him that he had his hat.  
  
"Harry, are you sureeeeeeeee, we don't have any more candy?" said Ron pleadingly.  
  
"I dunno, I think I have some ear wax we can chew on!"  
  
"No, ummm", said Ron looking disgusted, "that's Okay Harry."  
  
"Oh wait! I think I have some tic -tacs left!!"  
  
"Ok, they sound kinda boring, but well live with them."  
  
Little did they know that would change their lives.  
  
A/N-Wooooo I finished this chapter finally!!1155 Words!!!Amazin! Anyway thanx to my reviewers. And I luv u all! This thing is retarted. It shows less words than I type and it is gay. Happy Birthday Lester. Im just doing this to take up space wooo. Im just gonna keep rambling.Yay.'My loneliness is killing me, and I-I must confess I still believe-still believe,' ok bad britney spears memories. 


	6. Nightgowns and DADA

A/N-Okay, it is official; I am the worst author alive. It has been about a year and a half since I have updated this story and I feel horrible about it. I deserve to be dangled off a large building. Anyone who reviewed that long time ago, I apologize. As I write this, I am in math class looking extremely guilty and not paying attention. This is more important than SAT Math anyway right?  
  
Right?  
  
An E-mail saying that I got a review for this story reminded me about it, and I am disgusted with myself.  
  
So, to anyone reading this, an industrial sized tub of peanut butter, and my sincerest apologies.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing at all.  
Not the chair. Not the computer. Just the plot, or maybe I stole that too.   
  
Harry and Ron woke up normal the next day, well as normal as life is at Hogwarts. In this case, they were woken up to Seamus clucking like a chicken.  
  
"Shut the F—Front Door Seamus," said Harry as usual. "Cluck Cluck," said Seamus as usual.  
  
Harry and Ron and not eaten the ill-fated tic-tacs yet, as they had been knocked out when Neville's toad hopped out of the fireplace and began a killing spree.  
  
Ron sat up to find a hysterical Harry frantically reaching under his bed. "What are you looking for," said Ron, not really caring while looking for a hair band to wear that day.  
  
"I....cannot....find....my hat", grunted Harry while throwing his junk around.  
  
"WHAT!!!!," exclaimed Ron while jumping out of bed. "ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU SET ME UP ON A DATE WITH A DAMNED HOUSE ELF AND THEN YOU DECIDE TO LOSE THE HAT!"  
  
However, Harry, Neville, Seamus, Dean, and Luna, who was just there because she just was, just stared at him strangely.  
  
"Ron....," she started slowly, "What are you wearing?"  
  
Ron looked down at himself and saw a pink flowery nightgown.  
  
"What?!"  
  
BOOM  
  
Everyone forgot about the morning's conversation and were in their Defense against the Dark Arts class. The teachers name was Professor Nudnik (A/N-Means a boring pest; look it up if you don't believe me)  
  
"Hello CLASS," said the old woman who resembled a huge lump and liked to appear behind students and flick their ears. "I am the one and only PROFESSOR NUDNIK!!" She now jumped on the desk to emphasize her point. The whole class didn't even laugh; they were too busy trying to restrain Hermione from jumping out the window because Snape didn't want her anymore. "Excuse me child, I am trying to introduce myself, so you better sit down and SHUT UP WENCH!"  
  
Hermione gazed openmouthed at Nudnik. All anyone heard was "BITCH" from her before she jumped on the teacher and fists were flaying. The rest of the students just sat down patiently playing blackjack. After a few minutes, Nudnik stood up straightening her glasses.  
  
Hermione had turned into a raccoon and threw herself out the window regardless. However, as no one can die in this story, she was a flying raccoon and flew around the Quidditch pitch for a while..  
  
"Moving on," shrieked Nudnik, "on to Algebra"  
  
No on objected, as they were making origami hats to rival Harry's whose had mysteriously come back from the depths of the underworld. So of course, it was Harry who said  
  
"Like OMGWTF is Algebra"  
  
"Math", replied the Lump.  
  
"What is Math?"  
  
"Numbers"  
  
"And numbers are..."  
  
"Well....GO LOOK IT UP DAMMIT!!!" she roared slamming her hand down on the table and ripping pages out of books. "I HACE HAD IT WITH THESE SMART ALECK CHILDREN WHO THINK THEY CAN QUESTION ME!!!I WILL NOT HAVE IT!!" She threw herself down under the desk and started pelting the class with stray chalk. "YOU WONT TAKE ME ALIVE NO YOU WON'T!!!"  
  
Harry jumped up, "WE WONT BE YELLED AT WILL WE"  
  
"NooOOOoooo", chorused the class.  
  
"WELL KILL HER!!! CHARGEEEE!!!!!!!!"  
  
So like a scene out of Gladiator they charged, stabbing the Lump with pencils and giving her paper cuts. Luckily, Justin Filch-Fletchy had a fetish for lemon juice and carried it around at all times, so they poured on the lemon juice and watched her scream and writhe with agony. At this point, Harry also screamed in agony, because his scar was burning. Not however because of my dear friend Voldie but because someone had accidentally poured the lemon juice on it (HA! Actually thought for a second I might have a plot). So now, we had two people screaming.  
  
In the next minute or so, The Lump died, but was brought back to life by Hermione who had come back from flying to give her mouth-to-mouth.(Gross). Now the Lump was resuscitated and reintroduced.  
  
Still an old lady, but now had long blond hair and was dressed in sunglasses, bell-bottoms, a tye-dye shirt, and sandals.  
  
"Dude", she started, "You can call me Blue. I don't believe in authority, power to the people man, peace and love." She managed a peace sign, put on a lopsided grin, and fainted right on the spot.  
  
Finally, the bright Hogwarts students decided they had done enough Defense Against the Dark Arts for one day and had finally decided to leave.  
  
"So", started Harry, "I said to myself, 'Self, if you want to buy that hat from Padma Patil at a good price, then you had better get down to business."  
  
"Right...business" said Ginny while piling peanut butter onto toast.  
  
"Hi Harry dear," said Fred and George together, skipping merrily over to the place where Harry was seated eating lunch.  
  
"Fred! George! I love you guys", he exclaimed sweeping them into a huge hug.  
  
"Sure you do Harry," replied Fred peeling Harry's hands off himself and George, "Anyway, will you hold something for us, something that I assure you will NOT leave incriminating evidence behind and will defiantly NOT risk your expulsion from school."  
  
"Name it sweetheart"  
  
"Right..." said George with an enormous grin taking out a bag full of something identified as....  
  
"FRED! GEORGE!! IS THAT WEE-!!!"  
  
"HAHA," said Fred loudly and fakely while covering Harry's mouth, "YEA and then she told me to pull the weeds!! HAHAHA!!"  
  
When all the suspicious students turned back to their conversations George started talking again.  
  
"No Harry of course its not weed. Just take the bag and watch it"  
  
"OKAY!! But you have to do something for me first."  
  
"And that would be.....?"  
  
A/N-Hope you enjoyed this at least a little, I need to get back in the swing of writing again. This was 1102 words. WOOHOOO 


End file.
